My Top 15 reasons not to road race in 2026
By Fictional Non-racer John Doe
(Yes, This Is Satire, But May Actually Apply To Non-Racers You Have Met)
Volume 1: Limited Edition – Only Exists in My Imagination
Despite my flawless reaction times and complete lack of fear, I regrettably declined to participate. Below are my official, totally legitimate reasons.
Reason 1
My chassis allocation was delayed due to a worldwide shortage of unobtainium.
Reason 2
Real racers have to qualify. Track days just sort you by self-declared skill level—perfect for eternally placing yourself in “expert” while riding like it’s your third session ever.
Reason 3
Someone scheduled a surprise firmware update that added a mandatory 47-minute “contemplative silence” mode right before every race start. Welcome to ‘next gen.” electronics.
Reason 4
Track days exist for a reason: you can slap on race number plates, look like a racer in the paddock, and still go home with all your skin attached—without ever actually racing anyone.Just stop. Don’t play that role.
Reason 5
Real racers have to deal with tire warmers, data loggers, and team managers yelling at them. You can just show up to a track day, ride like a hero for 20 minutes,”maybe” then spend the rest of the day posting “tourist pace” slow-motion clips with dramatic music.
Reason 6
Real racing has red flags and restarts. Track days have “point-by” rules, so you can wave faster guys past and tell yourself you’re just being polite.
Reason 7
If you never enter a real race, you can keep claiming “I would’ve won if I tried.” Eternal potential—way better than an actual results sheet proving otherwise.
Reason 8
Fuel prices in 2026 are going to be stupid. Why burn premium race gas when you can burn premium coffee while watching onboard laps on YouTube?
Reason 9
My insurance provider doesn’t want me racing their bike.
Reason 10
I spent the entire season watching youtube videos, instead of working on my own telemetry.
Reason 11
The race organizers required a real road race license; Mine looks like a 1990 school library card.
Reason 12
In 2026, track day entries will require carbon offset fees for some nonsense. Racing lets you roast tires guilt-free while claiming you’re “testing for the future.”
Reason 13
2026 races will have live timing apps exposing your every slow lap to the world. Track days? No transponders needed—just manually edit your GoPro timer and post “new PB” anyway.
Reason 14
Sponsorship hunting means cold emails and rejections. Track day glory? Your vinyl guy hooks you up with pro-looking number plates for $50, and suddenly you’re “supported” by energy drinks nobody’s heard of.
Reason 15
I simply identified as a stationary object for the 2026 season.
Bonus Tear-Out Excuse (for presenting to close friends)
“Sorry I couldn’t race in 2026 — I was too busy being maximally truthful on the internet.”
Thank you for understanding my completely valid and non-fabricated reasons. Maybe in 2027… if the unobtainium supply chain improves.
